October 19
Originally written for our twentieth, but then updated for our 25th.
We did it. We made it to our 25th wedding anniversary!
In a nutshell, here’s the story:
On October 19th, I met this guy. We had a mutual friend who thought it would be a good idea for us to meet. In the beginning, it was awkward… for lots of reasons. But mostly because it didn’t take long to see we were/are very different people. Evidently there is some truth to ‘opposites attract.’ But what kept my attention the most, (besides his “Aladdin-ish” good looks) were the words he chose whenever we talked. I loved listening to him. And when we weren’t talking, we were listening to music. So when we couldn’t find the words, we’d find the perfect music to say what we couldn’t.
On October 19th, I accepted his proposal when he asked me to marry him. It was an amazing proposal. We were in Toronto to see Phantom of the Opera. Anyway, I was just expecting to see Phantom of the Opera, but Michael had other plans. We had a lovely, romantic dinner at Hy’s Steakhouse (which is still there) and it was there, he proposed. Everything he said was perfect. I was so moved by his words… how I wish I could remember everything he said! But I remember how I felt: incredibly loved. And together, we looked forward to our future – what an incredible adventure it would be !
On October 19th, I married him. It was a whirlwind of a weekend. Just the two of us. We flew to Colorado Springs, where our friend, Pastor Greg would marry us. The time we spent with him, his wife, Heidi, and daughter, Meghan, was pivotal to our beginning, our success as a married couple. We knew it would be work, but we were confident and felt ready for the challenges this life together would bring. We were very optimistic.
We experienced all four seasons in the four days we spent in Colorado. We spoke our vows at the foot of Cheyenne Mountain, on the 3rd hole of the West Golf Course at the Broadmoor Hotel, and the bells tolled as we said our “I do’s” (noon). Talk about picturesque. Of course, our vows reflected this – leading us besides still waters, walking in green pastures, our cup runneth over. Love the 23rd Psalm!
One month after we wed, we did it all again at The Clark House @ Shadow Pines, so we could marry the kids ‘into’ the family. As I looked back at those photos, it’s remarkable that our 70+ friends and family who are still earth-side, are all still active in our lives. And it was the first (and only) time Michael’s entire family was in town.
Our newly formed family of 5 was on it’s way! And from day one, we experienced lots of anxiety and stress, but so much anticipation and excitement.
On this day, October 19th, we celebrate anniversary after anniversary after anniversary.
On the first anniversary, years 1-5 flew! We were strong and committed to what was before us. it was a feeling of accomplishment, because the odds against blended families are stacked pretty high, right from the start. So that first year is pivotal. He had kids… I had a kid… there was extended family, estranged family, and an ex-wife. Oh the stories we could tell.
We experienced a lot of firsts, too – building Kroft Castle, moving in together as a family, creating color-coded schedules and calendars (that I still maintain to this day), finding out we were pregnant, having a baby, dealing with some post-partum, and of course, the general stress of being newlyweds. Which resulted in arguing/fighting. There was plenty of that.
By the 5th anniversary, there was a feeling of relief. We made it FIVE years! That’s a long time for a blended family. We renewed our vows in preparation for years 6-10. Pastor Peter did the honors that afternoon. Michael joined us long enough to repeat the vows, then he had to go back to work. Peter and I had a nice lunch together.
Five years brought another child… and that completed our family: boy-girl-girl-girl-boy. What a whirl wind of a time. Some of our most stressful, complicated years, no doubt.
By the 10th anniversary, there was a feeling of satisfaction. We renewed our vows with tuxedos, fancy dresses, and a full-blown reception afterwards. It was a day filled with love, memories, forgiveness, laughter, singing, dancing, and just plain old-fashioned fun & joy. We were growing and thriving as a family, but those second five years brought every imaginable heartache. We lost Fred, Mom, Allan, and in year 11, Dad.
Sometimes there just are not enough tears, hugs or words.
The kids were fully entrenched on their own paths, which meant we were flying in 5 different directions all the time. We had so much to do, we were spread very thin, but we were still learning and growing, even when we didn’t know it. Michael was really focused at work. I was really focused at home. He did him. I did me. We were very independent in those years.
By the 15th anniversary, a feeling of relaxation and starting fresh revived us. We were supposed to renew our vows… this time on the beach at Hilton Head Island. Instead, we spent it at urgent care having Michael’s wedding band cut off his finger. (He jammed it playing football on the beach.) But we took it in stride and it always makes me smile when we re-tell the story.
On the 20th anniversary, we renewed our vows at sunset on Lake Ontario. We reflected on how the last 5 years have really changed us and our marriage. The kids grew up and started to leave the nest. We got puppies, Henry & Indiana. Michael retired. And I thought year 15-20 had been the hardest. I was so blessed & grateful that yoga found me. And for those of you who practice - you know exactly what I mean. Then Restorative yoga/Judith Hansen Lasater came into the picture along with Mindfulness Meditation. What gifts.
But years 21-25, well they said “hold my beer.” And most of you know exactly what I’m talking about.
* * * * *
Overall, these past 25 years have been a blur: The chaos, the stress, and the busy-ness. The arguments, the fights, and the silence. The tears, the laughter, and the pure joy. The heartbreak – shared and separate, the miracles, the tragedies. and throughout it all: the unconditional love. What a ride it’s been! When we reflect on this life we’ve built, we smile a lot. We laugh at the stories. We marvel that we’ve survived some of them, we are embarrassed by others, and take great pride in the amazing human beings we will always call our ‘kids’. We know it’s by the Grace of God that we were brought together, and have subsequently stayed together. We work hard to not focus on the differences or the difficulties, but on the positives and the gifts we have been given.
Creating this family, being a family, growing as a family is what started this adventure. Our family has sustained us, entertained us, and at times, been the bane of our existence. Raising a family - especially a blended one, while trying to stay connected as a couple, AND continuing to grow as an individual, (thank you yoga & meditation) well, it is a LIFE’S WORK. And we wouldn’t be here without our faith, commitment, and stubbornness, not to mention the love and support from our friends.
So, I dedicate this first post, some food for thought, to my guy, Michael. The one guy who will tolerate, support, and love me - like only he can. The guy who makes me laugh, keeps me grounded, easily infuriates me, and eventually does what I ask, even if it’s on his time table and not mine. The guy who has been by my side, through life and death, through happy and sad, through chaos and calm. *sigh* I am completely and ridiculously blessed.
Now, the road ahead is unknown. We definitely have some real challenges ahead of us for years 26-30. But we’ll face them together. And when that is no longer something we can do, we will take care of what we can, on our own, for ourselves, for the other, and keep moving forward One Day at a Time.
Dear Michael. My Kroft. My guy. Happy Anniversary! You will always have my heart.
October 19, 2023 (year 30, married 27)
time.
my relationship with time has changed dramatically over the last few years. i no longer wish to rush it. yet i’m still learning to savor it. i no longer pack my days from sun up til sun down. instead of rushing, i take time to close my eyes for 20 minutes in the afternoon ~ that is a gift!
so much time has flown by. we have packed A LOT into 30 years. it’s been wild & crazy at times.
yes, some of it squandered, marred by regret, sadness. and we’ll never get that back. time is funny like that ~ instead i revisit what i can’t forget by reminiscing & dreaming. sometimes time is cruel & unforgiving like that.
i don’t really worry about what’s coming. it is what it is. instead i appreciate the beauty & simplicity of a steaming cup of coffee, in the silence of early morning hours, where candles illuminate my favorite room, with a sink of dishes needing to be washed. their time will come.
yes, 30 years have flown by, my love… and they said it wouldn’t last. we haven’t always been this happy! am i right?
ah. ‘poor michael’ - stuck with me for 30 years. met, engaged and married all on the same day. how fortunate he only has to remember one date. time is ironic like that.
may we be blessed with happy and joy-filled moments, as time may have other plans.
